shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
