You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
