we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
