The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize