I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
