evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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