I'm going to rape someone's good day.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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