It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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