Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
