oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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