I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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