On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
