Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
