I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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