He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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