Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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