only if we run a train.
done.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
