My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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