just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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