I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
