Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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