They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you win again, gameday.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
