need another drink. this is the easiest way
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
