I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
