I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
True strength comes from lack of pants
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
