So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
