I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
