i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
