I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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