I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
