I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Sorry my hands just texted you
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
