Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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