so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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