His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
