just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize