3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
