Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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