literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
