i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
