when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize