??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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