just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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