if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize