Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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