After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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