Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
