Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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