there was a trapeze. enough said
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
