Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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