what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
