And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
