Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
