I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
