How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize