I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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