the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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