There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
