I think i peed on brittanys purse
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
