I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize