We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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