I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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