At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
