We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
