I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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