Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Drunk is not a location!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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