How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
