it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
