I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
