Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
