how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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