my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
