hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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