Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
