You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
