The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
