***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
