I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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