I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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