I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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