I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize