I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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