They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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