just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
