You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
...so i touched it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you will always have a special place in my vag
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
