I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
