Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize