I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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