Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
