Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
