Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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