i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
