Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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