Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
