I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
