Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize