New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
