return my video game
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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