I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
