My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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